Henman Clobbered, Other Thoughts

The consensus among the commentariat (Pat Mac, Gilbert) on air at Wimbledon seems to be that maybe Federer is a tad pissed after his loss at the French and is sending a signal that...well, pardon my own French, but the literal translation from francais would be fuck not with moi. The man has destroyed his first two opponents, beginning with Gasquet, who is actually quite good, and now Henman, who though aging isn't exactly a slouch on grass. I mean destroyed, as if for the first time in several years Fed believes he has something to prove and genuinely intends to prove it. Like, without dropping a set. Like, by making all others looks, well... apologies again, but the mot is "shit."

Frankly, I've watched the close competition, and at this point, I'm afraid Hewitt is the only one who has a chance, and a slim one, at that. Mama mia! Federer is freakin good! GOOD! Listen to me, fine folk: When I saw Pete Sampras just slaughter the competition on his way to his first US Open win, I thought something special was on the rise, a pure striker of the ball, a rare talent. Now we have Fed, an even more complete and nuanced player, who is, unlike Pete, now actually enraged, in his own suave way, as the globe has never seen him.

Jee-hosaphat! The Henman shellacking is instructive. Normally, Fed tosses him a few more games, because he knows the poor sod has fans by the gajillions hoping against hope that he somehow finagles a final berth.

Yeah, fuhgetaboutit. To quote Brad Gilbert, "Federer likes to drop the hammer." Hammer? He nuked poor Tim. He hammered the sad puss that was oozing from Tim's pulverized hopes. He smashed Tim like a feeble flea.

Here is the worrying proposition: Fed, who normally contains himself in early rounds, is letting it fly. This can only be, as has been noted, an announcement. Look, he ain't doing it with serves—he's doing it with SHOTS. SHOTS! A sure sign that a man feels he can and should win EVERY SINGLE POINT.

Oh my, Dick Enberg, oh my, you silly man. Brace yourself.

Anyhow, in other news, Roddick seems to be flirting with taking on Connors as a coach. Let's see...win the US Open with Gilbert...fire Brad, begin a slow decline into confusion and defeat...hire Connors as a show move to boost fan enthusiasm. Connors? What the hell does Jimmy know about a player with a monster serve? To quote David Foster Wallace, Jimmy had the serve of an "ectomorphic girl." Indeed, a competitive chap—we get to see him yearly spank the mighty Jimmy Arias on tape when things get slow at the US Open. But hardly renaissance material for Roddick, who has already played two tiebreaks to Fed's none in this year's All England campaign. And Forget that he's winning: He's NOT ATTACKING THE NET! He seems to think he's playing on some surface other than grass.

I have called his comeback at Wimbly for months now and if he proves me wrong it will be due ENTIRELY to the disarray on him team. There's nobody at the rudder there, clearly. Game plan is as follows: Thump serve, thump forehand. And if that is being challenged FIRST ROUND, as it has been, we Roddickians are in BIG trouble.